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Beware The Booger Man – Part II!
March 14th, 2015 by LOONEYEXECUTIVE

Blake Glenn’s Looney thoughts, perspectives, and insights on the world of business!

 

If you missed Part I of Beware The Booger Man, please click here to catch up with the story.

 

Chuck and I finally made our way back to the office. As we walked in, directly in front of us was the secretary’s desk. Her name was Gerri. Gerri was a very nice, older woman who looked out for all of the young engineers and co-ops in the office, at least the one’s she liked. But Gerri didn’t see us coming into the office. She was in conversation with someone standing to the side of the desk. As Chuck and I approached the desk, still talking about what we’d just witnessed, we looked at Gerri and almost shrieked in horror. The person talking to Gerri was The Booger Man.

Chuck and I exchanged horrified looks. Fortunately for Chuck, his cubicle was off to the left side before reaching Gerri’s desk. So he bid me a fast “See ya later” and made a quick beeline to his cubbyhole, disappearing among the maze of moveable partitions. He wanted no interaction with The Booger man. He dare not even look into the dark and empty eyes of what might be the human incarnate of the grotesque.

Since my desk was to the right and rear of office, I had to walk past Gerri’s desk in order to reach safety. I put my head down as to not make eye contact with either her or The Booger Man. I tried to walk fast. I think I might have even broken into a light running gait. I could almost see my cubicle. My desk was near. I was in the clear. I didn’t have to gaze into the eyes of evil.

Booyah!

I began to exhale in relief. But right at that moment, my moment of triumph, I heard a familiar voice.

“Blake.”

I recognized the voice. It was Gerri calling to me. But I tried to act like I didn’t hear her. I ignored her and kept going.

“Blake!”

This time her voice was louder. And I could no longer pretend not to hear.

“Blake. Come over here. I want to introduce you to someone.”

No No No No No! This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening!

I went over to Gerri’s desk. She repeated her desire to introduce me to someone. The Booger Man. I tried to keep my hands in my pants pockets. I grabbed the inner linings so tight I thought I’d rip a hole in them.

But Gerri, being the wonderful person she was, was just looking out for me. So she introduced me to The Booger man. She told me his name. It didn’t register at all because I knew what was coming next. And I was mentally prepping myself for that moment. After she told him my name, and mentioned that I was a co-op student, he extended his right hand to me. It was the very same hand he’d used to dig hardened mucus from his nose and put it in his mouth. I didn’t extend my hand. I just looked at him. This seemed to last for minutes. But it was just a second or two. I looked at Gerri. I could see the concern beginning to line her face. What didn’t I shake his hand, she must have thought.

Finally, in order not to be rude, I loosened my right hand’s grip on my pants pocket lining and extended my hand. He grabbed it and began to shake. Our hands clasped together in a rhythmic embrace, moving up and down. His hand was warm and a bit moist. Disgusting. So damned disgusting. It seemed like hours passed before he let go. I briefly thought about cutting off my right hand and burning it in an incinerator.

Instead, saying nothing I turned and ran straight for the bathroom. As I jetted past cubicles and closed in on the office door, I saw Chuck. He was just standing there. He must have heard Gerri call my name and knew what hellish encounter awaited me. He just stared at me, shaking his head with a look of disgusted bemusement.

But I couldn’t stop to talk. I was on a mission. I HAD to get to the bathroom ASAP!

I exited the office, turned right, and sped down the hall to the bathroom doors. I burst through the door like Superman, almost tearing it from its hinges. I found the nearest sink, turned on the hot water and began washing my hands … over and over and over! I handled the hot water for as long as I could before finally giving in to the cold water.

I must have been in there washing my hands for 15 minutes.

When I finally made my way back to the office, Gerri asked me what was wrong. She was horrified and disgusted after I told her. She told me to never shake hands with that dude again. I actually did see The Booger Man a few more times. One time he tried to shake my hand again. I demurred and just said:

“Sorry. I’ve got a cold. It wouldn’t be right to shake your hand.”

Now-a-days. I rarely shake hands. I’ve witnessed too many people blowing their nose, leaving the bathroom without washing, or doing other disgusting things with their hands. So I try to avoid shaking at all costs.

Thank god for the fist bump and antiseptic gel!

 

Blake Glenn shares his looney perspectives, stories, and mis-adventures in The Looney Executive  blog. He has interviewed hundreds (or at least tens) of people via  The Looney Executive Podcasts and former TV show. He’s the founder of a tech group called IgniteTech, and claims to be a direct descendant of the original Looney Executive – Because there must be SOME explanation … right?

 If you dare, he can be reached the old school way … blake@LooneyExecutive.com

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P.S. – If you’re really interested in growing the tech startup scene in SW Ohio, you’ll want to join the IgniteTech Meetup Group.  Join the group. Come out to our events. Bring your energy and ideas. Build your connections.

Join us on this adventure. And help us to create a great story!

 


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